That’s not God or anything

The past few days have been witching days. Long ones. I have been half holding my breath, trying to stay sober, not trusting myself. Wanting to stay on the positive side of Day One, but powerfully thinking about the reasons/ways I could drink.

I don’t want to start counting again. I don’t want to be hung over again. I don’t want to let myself down again.

But I do want to drink. That is true. But I don’t want to drink. That is true, too.

How long can you white knuckle it? Turns out, a long fucking time. Or at least long enough.

Item #3 on The Plan: Reach out to more sober people. So I decided to text my friend Jen who I met at She Recovers. I didn’t want my text to sound too needy. I mean, she’s Canadian and I’m American, so we know how this shit should go, right?

I wrote: “Just thinking of you. Maybe we can talk today. If not, no biggie!”

(Read: “HELP ME RIGHT NOW MOTHERFUCKER.”)

She read between my lines. Of course she did. Those Canadians. So smart.

She called and said: “I just woke up and was thinking I should text you and reached for my phone and there was your text.”

Then she said: “Well, that’s not God or anything.”

No. Not at all.

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10 thoughts on “That’s not God or anything

  1. For me, all kinds of things began to work together to let me know I was on the right path — I would read an article, or someone would call me, just when I was thinking about a drink. Any time I convinced myself it was OK to drink, I would get the opposite signs. I would pass a crunched up car on the drive home, or see a giant billboard that said “Get Help.”
    I’m so glad you reached out to your Canadian friend. I definitely did not do enough of that.
    Hang in there. 💕

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