That’s not God or anything

The past few days have been witching days. Long ones. I have been half holding my breath, trying to stay sober, not trusting myself. Wanting to stay on the positive side of Day One, but powerfully thinking about the reasons/ways I could drink.

I don’t want to start counting again. I don’t want to be hung over again. I don’t want to let myself down again.

But I do want to drink. That is true. But I don’t want to drink. That is true, too.

How long can you white knuckle it? Turns out, a long fucking time. Or at least long enough.

Item #3 on The Plan: Reach out to more sober people. So I decided to text my friend Jen who I met at She Recovers. I didn’t want my text to sound too needy. I mean, she’s Canadian and I’m American, so we know how this shit should go, right?

I wrote: “Just thinking of you. Maybe we can talk today. If not, no biggie!”


She read between my lines. Of course she did. Those Canadians. So smart.

She called and said: “I just woke up and was thinking I should text you and reached for my phone and there was your text.”

Then she said: “Well, that’s not God or anything.”

No. Not at all.


10 thoughts on “That’s not God or anything

  1. For me, all kinds of things began to work together to let me know I was on the right path — I would read an article, or someone would call me, just when I was thinking about a drink. Any time I convinced myself it was OK to drink, I would get the opposite signs. I would pass a crunched up car on the drive home, or see a giant billboard that said “Get Help.”
    I’m so glad you reached out to your Canadian friend. I definitely did not do enough of that.
    Hang in there. 💕

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