My Friday night started out fine but, without any real reason, has gone to shit.
Today was the longest day in a week of very long days. There is a lot of uncertainty and pressure at work. I have a number of family members in crisis. And I have a bad attitude.
I don’t want to write this blog post, or watch the Olympics with my kids, or read a book.
Instead, I want to turn OFF. I want the voices from the week to stop chatting it up in my head. I want to stop thinking about what I didn’t get done. I want to stop thinking, full stop.
I want everything to go quiet and hazy.
Can that even happen without alcohol? Is “quiet and hazy” even a healthy, recovery-focused goal?
My wine was my OFF switch. And while I don’t necessarily want a glass of wine tonight, I do want an OFF switch equivalent. Ideally, it would be something as reliable as wine was, back in the day (55 whole days ago). This is how it used to go:
The first glass is the cocktail equivalent of flicking the lights: a non-threatening signal that closing time is coming and the chattering committee in my head needed to pack it up for the night.
With the second glass, the message is more direct: “Your presence is no longer required. Get Out.”
With the third glass, well, that’s the beauty of a third glass of wine, right? It was just me and the wine. And nobody else. I was OFF.
I need to find a reliable, wine-equivalent OFF switch.
Any suggestions? (And please know that I hate baths. They don’t work for me as a reliever of stress or anything else.)