Thinking about the Younger Generation

I’m tired. It’s cold and wet and dark. I need spring to come and warmth and sunshine.

I am stunned and sick about the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman.

I know, I know. There are so many other tragic things that should, legitimately, stun and sicken me. But, because he is a familiar face and because he died such a pathetic death and because I have two children who live in this world and will face important decisions such as whether or not to binge drink or shoot up, I am stunned and sickened.

And afraid.

It is in me. Addiction. It is in me and I know it is in my children. I can already see it in my youngest and he’s only eight.

Right this very minute, I am engaged in not drinking and it requires a lot of effort. It is depressing to think that, my longterm success or failure aside, this struggle will be there for him, too.  I don’t want him to carry this pitiful burden. I should be able to conquer it for both of us and his energies should then go toward something much more worthy of him.

In the recent interview about her struggle with alcoholism, Elizabeth Vargas touched on the spirituality of her recovery. I understand it is the Second Step in AA: “There is a Higher Power available to each of us that can help us live more freely and fully.”

I need a little bit of that right now. Something I can surrender to freely. A vessel to put all these worries into fully. A solution.


4 thoughts on “Thinking about the Younger Generation

  1. I know what you mean. I felt that too when I heard the Hoffman news. I work in a really rough part of town, where’s there’s lots of addiction and death from addiction, so it surprised me to have been so strongly affected by the news of someone I don’t even know. I think it was just realizing, Oh man, it’s everywhere, and that sucks. But I think you are doing something to help prevent your son from falling into the same pit. By making the changes you’re making–and I know they’re hard, I’m making them too over here–you will be providing an even more nurturing environment than you already have. No matter what you can see in him, he’s only eight and the genetic lottery doesn’t fully determine whether we become addicts or not, it just opens up more possibilities. Oh boy, I’m banging on here. I just wanted to say you sound like you’re doing well, and being open to the weight of how bad addiction is really sucks. Finding a more spiritual source to help carry you isn’t such a bad idea. I sure rely on something like that. But even where you are, right now, you’re getting through it, day by day. And that’s a big deal.

  2. my kids are 9 and 11 and I hear you. it is what has forced me to get a grip. they can’t think it is ok to binge drink. also worried about the future and navigating all that – need clear head to it.

  3. How my children will view drinking, and what choices they will make when it becomes available to them is very much on my mind. I worry, with addicts on both sides, about their genetic predisposition. I hope, especially through the rocky teenaged years, that I can maintain a good, open, honest relationship with them. I think that would have helped me make better choices at crucial times in my youth.

    Thanks for stopping by and commenting on my blog!

  4. I love ” nomoreSally ” your blog is the real deal ! I wanted to add that putting aside the worry of genetic predisposition to addiction/ alcoholism ….. You should also factor in that being an adult child of an alcoholic , exponentially increases the likely hood of addiction down the line ! So you’re already doing good work wiping that statistic out !
    Remembering every time a child sees his parent drinking to avoid feelings or zone out or argue when drunk etc he is learning to ” don’t talk don’t think don’t feel ” and is slowly becoming codependant with you and learning by example maladaptive coping skills and to tiptoe around the elephant in the living room ..NOW he won’t see that and even if we think it’s a secret …. And we kept it well hidden … children KNOW what’s going on !
    I remember my siblings and I used to call it “mothers yellow water ” when we would find cinzano in a china mug that my mum left about the house , because she was trying to make it look like a cup of tea !

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