I am not entirely sure why, but I want to stop making such a big deal of the number of days I’ve been sober. Actually, I want to stop making a big deal about the entire thing. As I wrote earlier this week, I really want my not drinking to be the norm. Nothing special.
That notion is ridiculous, right? I mean, this blog and all the other wonderful sober blogs that have become a powerful tool in my life, are all devoted to the fact that sobriety IS special, fragile, potentially fleeting.
So why do I want to discount it all of a sudden?
I ran into a friend earlier today who I hadn’t seen in two weeks. She is one of the few people I have confided in about my alcohol abuse and the ugly reason behind my decision to quit. She asked if I had received her Super Bowl party invitation and then, remembering, asked me straight up and with love (a wonderful characteristic of hers), “Hey, are you still not drinking?”
I replied lightning fast, “Yep. Not drinking. It’s going fine and really, it’s not a big deal at all.”
That, of course, is bullshit.
Why was I so quick to dismiss my effort? My enormously difficult, life-altering, BIG DEAL effort?
That quick response, and whatever is behind it, feels eerily similar to my years-long effort of dismissing/hiding my hangovers. It feels disingenuous and slightly dangerous. Like a police officer trying to keep traffic moving along, “There’s nothing to see here! Keep on moving!”
All the while, behind him, is a scene of human messiness in need of attention from fellow motorists.